THE O MEN ANTHOLOGY
Written by Martin Eden, art by John Paul Howard
Short synopsis: Basically, Blackie (psychotic superhuman serial killer) goes to the cinema, gets pissed off by the other cinema-goers making too much noise and so she kills them all!!! I mean, who hasn't felt like doing that... It's all sort of tongue in cheek. It’s a lot to cram into 2 pages, I guess, but it should be okay.
Blackie: For this story, she's wearing a long black coat, sunglasses (yes, unusual in a cinema!), hair any style, all black basically, maybe high heels, maybe some kind of t-shirt.
TEXT BOX, TOP LEFT: Prologue
Shot of Blackie at cinema ticket office. We're looking at her from behind, with clear view of the cinema assistant and her booth. We can't really see that it's Blackie, but she looks fairly imposing. The cinema assistant is female, young, blonde. Maybe some film posters in the background but not important.
CINEMA ASSISTANT: So that'll be 11 pounds for one ticket.
Shot of cinema assistant, head on hand, looking pretty bored.. She's looking up at Blackie, but we can't see Blackie.
CINEMA ASSISTANT: You're not a student are you? Nah, too old...
Finally a shot of Blackie's face. She looks mildly annoyed (by the assistant's comment).
Now we're in the refreshments area. Blackie's trying to pay for a hotdog. Side shot of Blackie holding up a pathetic-looking hotdog in front of a bored-looking refreshment assistant.
Close-up of male refreshment assistant - very similar to the previous girl, but probably with opposite hand holding up his head. He looks bored, probably very young, ugly, goofy and spotty. And greasy.
REFRESHMENT ASSISTANT: So that's one small hotdog. That'll be 8 pounds.
Blackie, holding a 5 pound note in front of her. She obviously doesn't have enough money. Her mouth gapes open in disbelief/anger. Maybe anger marks around her head.
Wide panel across page. Basically, it shows a small section of the cinema audience - probably around four or five rows of seats, maybe about 8 or 9 seats across each row. Blackie's bottom centre happily watching the movie (still wearing her sunglasses). Dotted around her are various cinema-goers, who we'll see in a bit. This'll make no sense now, but the mobile phone user and the couple are to the left of the panel, and the crisp-eater is towards the right. We can't see the big-haired person yet.
Close-up of Blackie's face. She looks happy! She's enjoying the film. She’s actually watching The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, so it’s amusing that she’s loving it so much.
Similar shot of Blackie. Blackie's been disturbed by a noise. Her face has dropped and she looks to the right of the panel.
SOUND EFFECT: Rustle rustle
Picture of a big fat beardy bloke with a Tesco bag obviously full of treats. We can see a bag of crisps peaking out of the top of the bag. The bloke is stuffing his face full of crisps, hand poised at his mouth with another crisp. Probably some crumbs around his mouth.
Closer in on Blackie. She's now looking to the left of the panel. Dialogue balloon going off to the left...
DIALOGUE FROM BLOKE ON LEFT: Yeah, so then she said that and I just fuckin lost it mate.
Shot of guy on mobile phone, from side. Age/looks not all that important.
BLOKE ON PHONE: Yeah, too fuckin' right, ha ha ha...
Black couple (the fuckers who ruined Alien Special Edition for me!!!)
GIRL: So what happened then?
BLOKE: He got killed, babe.
Sideways shot of Blackie as we see that the person in front of her has a big curly hairdo (almost Marge Simpson-like). Blackie looks horrified!
Close up of Blackies eye (just over rim of sunglasses) - she looks bloody psychotic!!!
DIALOGUE OF OTHER CINEMA-GOERS SURROUNDS HER FACE:
Yeah man ha ha ha
And who's that?
TEXT BOX, TOP LEFT: 90 minutes later
Shot of Blackie in foreground as she walks away from the cinema. She's smiling. Cinema in background. Old-fashioned sign over door, giving the name of the film: 'THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE’. Maybe a couple of letters have dropped off or something.
Same shot as Page one, panel seven - except everyone's DEAD!!! Blackie has knifed them all to death!!! Various stab wounds in chests/necks etc - LOTS of blood. Try to go slightly over the top to show that it's quite tongue in cheek. Maybe throw in a couple of really stupid over-the -top death poses.
TEXT BOX, TOP LEFT: Epilogue
Blackie walks towards us, smiling happily - we can just about make out the cinema behind her in the distance.
Shot from behind Blackie - a charity worker leaps out in front of her from nowhere, blocking her way. He or she is holding a clipboard, probably has glasses and is wearing one of those charity workers' overalls with the logo 'save the lamp-posts!' on it.
The charity worker's look can be up to you - he/she can be dweeby, or maybe a hippy or something. He/she has an insane grin on his face.
CHARITY WORKER: Hi!!!
Shot from behind Blackie again - this time the charity worker is a bit closer. Still smiling insanely
CHARITY WORKER: Can you spare five minutes to talk about our 'Save the lamp-posts charity? C'mon, I'm sure you can!
Close-up of Blackie's eye over her sunglasses again - very similar to page two, panel four, but probably just a little bit insanier. It's pretty obvious what she's gonna do...